Gimme A Good Distraction

I really need to keep myself busy from thinking about what bothers me. At the end of each day I’d sulk. If I were another person, I'd feel heartbroken over watching me desperately trying to sleep.In a way, I'm not as affected as I thought I would be, meaning if you didn't know what was going on in my life, you'd never know that I had a problem. Err…package deal, physical and emotional, sometimes I think personality problem adds to that. Because I look normal around people, I act normal. But that's just it -- an act.Some people think I'm being pessimistic but those who knows me real well thinks that I’m strong. I don't think so. I'm making myself numb instead of facing the pain. Nobody wants to feel pain naturally. Distraction dulls the pain. Maybe it can heal. Or make me forget. I really don't know. One thing I realized (only a few days ago) was that I've been numb longer than I thought I was. True, it made me a kinder and more understanding person but it also killed a part of me. After that, I became more jaded than ever and I never got past it. It changed the way I looked at everything that came my way.There are so many things I want for myself in terms of my direction in life. And now, more than ever, it's within reach. It just makes me sad that the one thing I wanted so bad a few years back, is something I am avoiding now because I don't want to just settle for what's there, I don’t know how to deal with it. I want the best. But it was long gone before I even got there.Give me a good distraction for the meantime.