LOVE beyond

Ever since I thought I was a mind-over-heart person, who is took premeditated jeopardy, when the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. But rationality and logic clash when it comes to the mind rattling and emotion-confusion thing called love. I can say that my head is just secondary to the heart when I make decisions of this matter. But no matter what other romantics say about it, still love is a ruthless reality that ends my every story sulking. NOW, I’ve realized that the head should always be the one heard first. I succeeded in letting my heart smashed me more than seven times before. My luck ended at seven.

And so I asked GOD for someone to love me. Barely knew its meaning probably because of the taste of sacrifice and hurt before. I was ready to use my head but I woke up one day, using my heart again. Damn stupid heart! Few people came to give the love I’ve longed for, the love I asked GOD for. Have I been too nice? Why did they come in groups? Until now, I don’t know why they all came at the same time. I’ve been considering answers but it always drop me to commotion. Who among these people is the one I’ve asked for?

Somehow it makes me think that have I been a menace in their lives? Do they experience what I have experienced in the past? Have I been hurting these people the way I was hurt before? The last thing I would do is to hurt other people. Am I too numb to be loved or too numb to love? Whatever it is, I really don’t know, my heart takes over and makes me do things to express what I really feel. That every word I utter and every feeling I show is true.

I don’t want to pretend that I’m okay, hell no! I’m ill and my mind is raveling elsewhere. I feel like my illness is prolonging my agony. If my life would be taken, take it now, why do I need to experience this pain? It’s more sickening because a tank of air is the thing that is keeping me alive! Euthanasia would be great but since it’s a sin, okay I’ll accept my fate. Now I’m wondering, if my life would end at an instant, why would GOD send me these people? If I’ll be gone in few days, why would HE let me feel loved like this? GOD is too good. HE has plans. Probably HE still wants me to live. You think so?
Now for my lucky seven, no regrets here, only appreciation and love. Thank you for the wonderful times. No words could describe how happy you made me just by being there and by letting me think that I am secured. Thank you for allowing me to get to know you and letting me touch your life. And most of all, thank you for caring for me. I hope you find true love and happiness.
To be continued…